Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
