RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
