i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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