I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I checked into jail on foursquare
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
