it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
