mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
