We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
