In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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