we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
