I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
