And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
