We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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