...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
