Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The beer is more important than you right now.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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