My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I had to cum in my sink.
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