thus making me awesome and them whores
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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