She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
