Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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