I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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