i can't believe i had my finger in that
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
