When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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