i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
