Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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