Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I party with great urgency now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
