none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
