There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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