Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
