Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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