Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I didn't notice because vodka
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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