You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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