I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
