I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
