I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
