Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
