her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
