just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
