why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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