I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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