he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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