community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
