this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
two words...techno handjob
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
