Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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