that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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