life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
