just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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