she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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