Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
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I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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