Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
