is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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