I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
