last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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