I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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