I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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