After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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