Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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