tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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