if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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