laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
