Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
