I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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