For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My vagina just recognized that song.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
