I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
