Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
