theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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