hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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