I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
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Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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