Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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